they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
