he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
