I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
