i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
