i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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