Your tits are I can't wait for
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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