so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
