I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
