I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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