I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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