It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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