So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
