Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
