I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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