The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
