She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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