If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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