Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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