My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
