i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
