I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
