Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
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He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
