To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
