the condom got lost in my hair
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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