just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
