what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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