how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
