I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im holly from the hills drunk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
