well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
