Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
