you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
