in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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