Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
