i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
