i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
time to smoke my breakfast
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
