at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
