Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
