there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
