I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
