once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I could make wine with my vomit
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
