the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
