If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
