So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
