I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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