i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
