Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
