Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
