Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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