chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
