Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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