That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
