i love accidental penises.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
