i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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