And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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